Starting Over For the Last Time

I started this blog many moons ago as a way to feed my need for expressing my
creativity. Then I cycled through an Etsy shop, an MLM, and probably lots of other
ventures that I left by the wayside. You see, that’s been my modus operandi for a
long time and I don’t like it.  I’m ashamed of it quite honestly. I’ve finally decided it’s
time to get my life where I want it to be.

I wish I could tell you there was some miraculous convergence of events that led me
to change my outlook, but there wasn’t.  If I think long and hard about it, it has to do
with my returning to work. Long story short, I worked full-time and was enrolled in
college completing a second bachelor's degree up until I had my first child, a beautiful
baby girl.  Then, together, my husband and I decided I would stay home without any
intention of ever going back to work. At least not to a 8-5 kind of job. Which worked
out at first because 7 months after our daughter was born, we found out we were
pregnant with our son.

I basically flew by the seat of my pants when it came to managing two under two
and the household chores. In my work and school days I was a religious planner
user. Once I made the transition to staying home I didn’t think a planner was
necessary because my schedule was now ruled by tiny humans who didn’t
understand the concept of time or my need for organization. Fast forward three
years later and I was feeling overwhelmed with managing a household of four as
well as feeling like I had lost all sense of self. I didn’t feel like an individual anymore.

Coincidentally, a position became available in my old office and
after discussing things with my husband, I decided to go for it. I needed to feel as
though I was contributing to society on a larger scale; albeit the biggest and hardest job
with an enormous impact we can ever have is being a parent, I still needed to restore
my sense of self.  Last year I got back into the working world and I started to feel better.
I was connecting with adults, who have become great friends, on a regular basis and
contributing to society. Yet, I still felt like I hadn’t gotten myself on any kind of path
connecting me to that sense of self.

Fortunately returning to work helped me begin to form connections that were positive and
encouraging and I somehow found the motivation to truly make an effort to find my happy self. The old wives tale is true, if mom’s not happy, nobody's happy. My frustrations and unhappiness
radiated from my body and at times infected my kids and my husband. My husband is a true
purveyor of self help. He reads all the books, listens to all the podcasts and encouraged me
to do the same, yet I continued to push back. I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted to figure it out
myself. I slowly, my husband would probably equate to to a snail's pace started to come around and listen to a few podcasts. With these new messages I began to allow myself to hear, in
combination with the positive influence of my coworkers, I started to make changes to my life
that have led me to this post here.

I plan to share with you my journey through personal growth including: fitness, my planner
obsession renewed, my reading corner, and a host of “favorites” posts, in hopes of offering
some inspiration to those who may feel where I once was. I don’t warrant myself a life coach or
proof of concept, by no means am I completely where I want to be. Quite frankly, I don’t know
that I want to be in a place where I am 100% satisfied with myself. I want to continue to grow
and ask myself what I can do to be better and hopefully inspire all of you to do the same.